Sometimes I get lonely even though I’m not alone and even though I have great friends. I’m lonely because I remember the people I’ve lost, the people who have either pushed me away and outright rejected me or those who just faded out of friendship - be it because of time or distance. I’ll see pictures of these people or even talk to them briefly, but that only builds my nostalgic caste of grief, as though they are practically back in my life again from this sliver of contact.
This particular brand of lonely is not a healthy nor is it helpful. We all walk our own paths. Sometimes they might intersect with anothe’s for awhile, but it is infrequent that we find someone who will share the journey more than a few paces. The memories of these times and people are important to me even if they aren’t to anyone else. They helped to mold me. But sometimes holding them so close is all the more painful.